Heart Like His

June 21, 2010

I told Audria once that I wouldn’t post on a blog, but I guess this is just another of those areas where I have been found wrong. So, Audria, if you are reading this, you were right as usual. (Although whether I will actually keep up the blog remains to be seen..)

I have toyed with the idea of doing a blog since about the first week after graduation. I thought that it might be good for me as I often wait to tell people about my struggles until after they are over. Interestingly, I never seem to get past struggling with brokenness. Judith Hougen says in her book, Transformed Into Fire, that she “possessed an erroneous expectation – that really godly people eventually get over their brokenness.” I still struggle with that erroneous expectation, but in trying to accept the reality of brokenness being blessing, I thought I might share my journey.

I do not write this blog to preach, but rather so that others who read this may be either uplifted and know they are not alone or may pray for me in my journey. I do not promise that this blog will continue as I am still deciphering my heart as to its true intentions of writing this. So far I have decided that this is a very out-of-character act for me, but as it keeps being brought to my attention I would try it. Hopefully, my blogs will not always be this long, but I felt an explanation was necessary as this blog is not intended to offer answers. This blog is more intended to give a glimpse into journey and a way of sorts to keep me accountable to the journey.

Currently, I feel I am in a desert of waiting and trusting. Before I graduated I feared what would happen once Audria’s wedding was over as I had no plans after that, but the Lord has graciously provided new plans for me to go to Cape Cod. I know that the Lord will provide again and again, but find my heart shrinking with fear and worry as I look toward the future. My prayer is that fear’s grip will be loosened and I will trust entirely in Him.

~ Psalm 121~

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever.