No journey without falls...

It will take much more than a blog and, apparently, many more times of seeing the Lord's faithfulness before my ability to trust becomes a natural instinct.

As my trip on Cape Cod began to close I found myself inwardly becoming nervous about the ambiguity of the future ahead. Vacation would soon be over and the job search would begin again with of course no real assurance that the search would end with me teaching. Doubts assailed me and I began to inwardly lose control of sense of peace I had originally maintained. I could actually fell the icy hand of fear tightening its terrible grip around my heart.

I prayed for a miracle and had to ask that the Lord would do it in spite of my unbelief, because I honestly have trouble believing such things are given to me. The next evening I received a message concerning a job interview. The message had been left the day before. Miracle? I think it was a small one.

Does this mean I will get the job? No. I just think it was the Lord saying, "See, stop worrying. I have it under control." Today in Matthew I read again, "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (6:25-34)

"Don't Anticipate, Participate!"

I am thoroughly enjoying my lovely vacation in Cape Cod. It really is beautiful out here and I believe I am with some of the best people in the world. Amanda and her family are absolutely wonderful!

Before I left college, I was afraid of what would come after I left Audria's wedding. I knew that I had no plans this Summer beyond Jaclin and Audria's wedding except the given of having to look for a job; therefore, unless I found a job before the weddings were over, then I would have nothing to which I could look forward.

Now, I realize that to some people that is not necessarily a problem, but to me, as a planner, it is a major problem. I am not a very organized person, but I do like to have some vague idea of what is ahead. When I was on the Chrysalis retreat during my senior year of high school, an all girls retreat where we were not allowed to bring watches or cell phones, I was terribly paranoid because we had to trust the leaders to tell us where to be when and our only idea of how much time we had was "this is a long break" and "this is a short break." The leaders would simply say, "Don't anticipate, participate" in an effort to challenge us to live in the moment, the reality of right now. I, however, was unable to do this. I was so terrified that I would not have enough time to get ready that I woke up in the middle of the night, again I have no idea what time it was, and took a shower. My rustling around woke up my leader who made me go to bed. After that the mantra was repeated more often to me and I have continued to repeat it to myself ever since.

Despite repeating the phrase every so often for the past four years, it was not until this past year, as I went through "Transformed Into Fire," that I began to truly understand the importance of it and only now am I having to truly live it. I may be able to check the time now, but I do know what is happening after I leave the Cape. I have absolutely no plans beyond job hunting after that, but when I left college, actually about a month ago, I did not know that I would be here. I had no idea I would have another experience in flying, by my self for that matter, nor did I ever thing I would be in such a beautiful place with a good friend. The Lord showed me that He could and would plan great adventures for me.

I admit it is hard at times not to get nervous about having no plans after my vacation and no job or "gainful employment" as my daddy calls it, he and momma keep me supplied with jobs around the house, but I remember He has supplied beyond my imagination so far and He can do it again. I simply must have faith that He will.