Before I left college, I was afraid of what would come after I left Audria's wedding. I knew that I had no plans this Summer beyond Jaclin and Audria's wedding except the given of having to look for a job; therefore, unless I found a job before the weddings were over, then I would have nothing to which I could look forward.
Now, I realize that to some people that is not necessarily a problem, but to me, as a planner, it is a major problem. I am not a very organized person, but I do like to have some vague idea of what is ahead. When I was on the Chrysalis retreat during my senior year of high school, an all girls retreat where we were not allowed to bring watches or cell phones, I was terribly paranoid because we had to trust the leaders to tell us where to be when and our only idea of how much time we had was "this is a long break" and "this is a short break." The leaders would simply say, "Don't anticipate, participate" in an effort to challenge us to live in the moment, the reality of right now. I, however, was unable to do this. I was so terrified that I would not have enough time to get ready that I woke up in the middle of the night, again I have no idea what time it was, and took a shower. My rustling around woke up my leader who made me go to bed. After that the mantra was repeated more often to me and I have continued to repeat it to myself ever since.
Despite repeating the phrase every so often for the past four years, it was not until this past year, as I went through "Transformed Into Fire," that I began to truly understand the importance of it and only now am I having to truly live it. I may be able to check the time now, but I do know what is happening after I leave the Cape. I have absolutely no plans beyond job hunting after that, but when I left college, actually about a month ago, I did not know that I would be here. I had no idea I would have another experience in flying, by my self for that matter, nor did I ever thing I would be in such a beautiful place with a good friend. The Lord showed me that He could and would plan great adventures for me.
I admit it is hard at times not to get nervous about having no plans after my vacation and no job or "gainful employment" as my daddy calls it, he and momma keep me supplied with jobs around the house, but I remember He has supplied beyond my imagination so far and He can do it again. I simply must have faith that He will.
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